I got my grades back – 6 A’s so far.. with only 3 more classes to report!
I have NEVER in my life received straight A’s - and I have never worked harder to get them! Not only did I get straight A’s- but I got straight A’s while taking 26 credit hours, most of the credit hours in 7 weeks!I worked my @ss off and I am P-R-O-U-D of myself!
I have no idea why I haven’t crashed and burned yet…. but I am so glad I haven’t.
The ony thing that sidetracked me this week was the dreaded hay fever that always comes this time of year—it is like clockwork. You think I would have learned my lesson by now sice I have been living with allergies for years. I have looked like a weepy-eyed Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer for the past week and have gone through 3 big boxes of tissues. My nose and upper lip are chapped and red, and I look like I have a little chapped red mustache.
Anyway, my Rx medicine (Allegra – pill and Nasocort – nose spray) that have worked for the past 8 years DID NOT (obviously) work this year. I headed to the doctor Friday afternoon and he added another nose spray to the mix which seems to be working. I used about 20 tissues today – BIG improvement over Friday.
I usually am miserable for the last 2 weeks of August and the first week of September, then fine until April. This year though, I want to be over this ASAP as I am beginning my teaching residency and don’t want to look like a scary read nosed mean lady when I walk into the classroom.
And now, to talk about the (literal) elephant in the room – MY BIG BEHIND
I am so disappointed in myself. While I have been doing awesome in school and have been proud of myself in that aspect, I am so down about my eating and my weight. Here’s my secret:I am probably (back AGAIN) at the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I am too scared to step on the scale, but I know I am not fitting into my clothes like I used to. I know my legs are way bigger. I know my arms are way bigger than they were. I just don’t feel good, both health-wise and body-image wise.
I read other fitness and health bloggers and I am so excited for their success at either taking off the weight (slowly but surely) or for those who are maintaining. I KNOW they have been working at eating healthy for YEARS, but I am so into the quick fix right now, it is scary. When I eat well for 3 days, I need to see benefits, people. And I am not seeing anything. ZILCH.
WAIT – That last paragraph, as I read it over, makes me so sad. I KNOW being healthy and losing weight is not a QUICK FIX- it cant be. ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO TRY AND WORK HARD.
But I am letting school, my grandpa’s death, Mr More’s death, being “too busy” and…and…and…and… get in the way of the biggest goal I hold for myself- being a healthy person.
Yes, I said being a healthy person.
Not being a person that is 120lbs.
Or being a person who can fit into size “X” clothing.
I seriously want to just be a healthy person who can run around with my niece and nephew anytime I want and not get winded. And put on a pair of pants without them being so tight I am gonna burst out of them (whatever size they are). And not worrying about a risk of high blood pressure or diabetes or not being able to get pregnant in the future because I “F’ed” up my body so bad in my 20′s and 30′s.
I am 32 years old, for goodness sake. I will be 33 in November.
Why do I treat my body like crap?
I am going to be teaching children about healthy eating habits but I DON’T CURRENTLY HAVE ANY HEALTHY EATING HABITS.
Obviously I am at a breaking point- and anyone who has healthy goals in mind (weight loss or other) has had one or two (or 12) of these.
As my mom puts it, I need to have a Come to Jesus Meeting with myself and decide what my priorities are and what I am willing to do to tackle them.
Because hell, I just got 6 A’s in 7 weeks- making healthy goals AND STICKING TO THEM should be a walk in the park next to that awesome feat, right?