Lose the Excuses « ajlovestolose.com

Why I Am Still Unhealthy*

*Notice I didn’t use the F-A-T word. I am trying to change the messages I give to myself.

I stopped tracking points
I put everything in my mouth
I eat too fast
I eat more than I should at a meal
I got stressed out
I stopped grocery shopping
I made poor (and outright DUMB) choices at fast food restaurants
I didn’t use the stairs
I didn’t park at the farthest parking spot
I didn’t ask for dressing on the side
I used the excuses: I am too tired, I will do it tomorrow/later/during the commercial, my (leg, arm, back) hurts and more
I worked too much
I played too much
I didn’t go to Weight Watchers meetings
I ate fried things
I didn’t eat fruit and veggies
And MANY more…

I continue to self-sabotage and use poor-self talk.

I realize how unhealthy I am and that I need to change. I see so many online and IRL friends who have made healthy choices – not only for themselves but for their families. I KNOW I feel better when I make those choices and I am declaring that June 26, 2011 is the day I will begin to make better choices to keep me alive for 60 more years.

I tracked, I promise!!

My computer is dead and I left the charger at work. I tracked the day on WW mobile, but I can’t figure out how to send the info to wordpress. I will put both today and tomorrow on the site tomorrow! AJ

How Grad School totally screwed this blog…

Its really a very awesome story.

But I will save that for another time.

I haven’t been here for a while, and while I feel guilty, I don’t feel TOO guilty.

And I feel guilty for not feeling too guilty. You get the picture.

The past few months have been a roller coaster and while I usually hate riding them, I don’t ever want to get off this one.

Grad School is going great. I got all A’s again (another A in MATH!! WOOHOO!) and I am on break until January 14th.

Kindergarten is A.MA.ZING. I can’t tell you have unbelievable it is. While I am so tired I go to bed each night before 7 pm (really), I have so much fun each day that I can’t wait to go back.I wish I could share the kids with you. I have 28 brilliant, talented and hilarious students who amaze me every single day. They are helping me become the best darn teacher I can be. But without parent consent, I can’t tell you anything. Maybe when I am retired I will come back to this poor blog and share my experiences.

On the fitness front… yeah….no.

I am probably the heaviest I have EVER been. Yippee. I haven’t jumped on a scale (yet). I am too scared too. But I do know that my belly is really getting out of hand and I am starting to huff and puff as I go up stairs. Oh and I have an @ss shelf again. Damnit.

I can’t blame anyone else but myself. I have been burning the candle at both ends and have not been eating right, sleeping well or exercising. And as EVERYONE knows, sleep, healthy food and moving are the key components to losing weight.

I know what to do.

I know HOW to do it.

I KNOW I can make healthy choices and move more (other than the 12-17,000 steps a day I take while teaching).

Fitbloggin is in May and I really don’t want to huff and puff my way around the conference. And I want to atleast be able to complete the 5K without having a heart attack.

I think I am going to go back and read some of my old posts when I as actively losing weight and see if I can find some of the menus I used while I was in Weight Watchers. My breakfast and lunch eating is fine – no fast food at school. I either am too tired to make food when I get off work so I pick up a pizza or McDonald’s then sit on my butt all night, or I eat something fatty and salty at home and fall fast asleep at 6:30pm. So to sum up, I am kinda a hot mess at dinner. I bought a few boneless turkey breasts (fresh to minimize salt content, then froze them) so I can cook them up on Sundays and package up atleast 6-7 meals for dinner- my goal is to make 3-4 different meals with the turkey so I won’t be eating turkey {insert dish here} every night- I would get sick of that really quick.

I am also vowing to take better care of myself. I have new teacher syndrome right now- I have caught every cold the kids have had. I am taking vitamins and trying to get as much sleep as possible, but all those new germs are invading me. Even Emergen-C and Cold Calm have only been putting off the inevitable for a few days at a time.

I am currently visiting my grandma for the Christmas and we pretty much just sit and eat while I am here. While I need to relax and rejuvenate, I really need to get up and move. We are expecting 5-7 inches of snow tonight and tomorrow, so we will probably be stuck inside again. Ick.

Anyway, I hope to get a few blog post stubs written up while I am here so I can atleast post once a week with minimal effort once I get back into the swing of school. The posts may look a lot a like (but with different information), but atleast I will be posting something, right?

Happy Holidays!!

Disappointed

First up: Winners from the Fitbloggin #4 Giveaway (better Late than never are Mindy and Gemfit! Congrats! I will be reaching out to you very soon.

This week has been weird- I have been trying my hardest to be all RAH RAH EXCITED about getting fit, my own personal body image and moving forward with my life/job/school/teaching/whatever.

But to be perfectly honest, I have been nothing but BLAH.

I think the death of my 30 year old friend 2 weeks ago (from SUEDP) and the stress/realization that I am taking 2 tests that will decide if I will be suitable for the interview process for a special masters course to become an elementary school teacher have caught up with me. I have been eating everything “bad” for me under the sun and my body is starting to rebel.

I am not holding myself accountable for the actions I am taking minute by minute. Hour by hour. Meal by meal. Day by day.

I am disappointed I am “letting” the perceived bad stuff in my life take over the good stuff. I am disappointed that I lost 14lbs in Feb/March and I am letting the lbs creep back on.

I was talking to a good friend yesterday about food issues. She is going to see a Endocrinologist who has pretty much diagnosed her with everything under the sun; POCS, pre-diabetes, etc, etc, etc. She and I have alot of the same issues: Eating when bored, stressed, or upset; one track mind eating—when you HAVE to have “insert food here” (could be veggies or french fries) because all you can thing about is ”insert food here” ; a tendency toward binge eating.

This was the first time we had been HONEST with each other and shared our struggles.

I read alot of blogs about weight loss and healthy eating and I relate to alot of the people I read. But I have to tell you—hearing her story and her struggles REALLY brought it home. She was a person I KNOW in real life that has some of the same issues that I have. And while its not OK, its OKAY.

I know what I should be doing, I am just not doing “it”.

I have tried to recommit a few times in the past few weeks but have let life get in my way. I need to use the resources that I have at my disposal help me to reach my goals. I need to go back to the WWGE (What Would Grandma Eat) way of thinking and remember how I feel when I eat sensible, small, and satiating (SSS) meals.

I know I can do it, I just need to get back on the horse, as I have done 100 times before. I just need to make sure this time is different than all the others.

Lose the Funk

I really really need to get out of this funk I am in.

I know why I am in it:

Lost my job? Check.
Moving across country in 25 days? Check.
Not prepared for move across the country in 25 days? Check.
Freaking out about money? Check.
Stressed out to the max? Check.
Severely out of shape? Check.
Is my a$$-shelf back? Check.
Eating everything I can get my hands on? Check.
Feeling like my life is spiraling out of control? Check.
Overwhelmed with EVERYTHING happening at the same time? Check.

Anyone going through this much change all at the same time would have the same feelings of depression I am having. I know that.

But I feel myself falling back into the old habits I had when I weighed my heaviest of all time. I come home at night, throw my purse on the counter, grab something fatty or sugary to eat and head for the couch.

There I stay until I fall asleep (usually at 7:30) then wake at 10, only to drink diet soda or something dessert-like and stay up for another 3 hours. I am T-I-R-E-D when I get up in the morning because I didn’t get a full night sleep; aaaaaand repeat.

I have to start treating myself better. My friend N and I have made a pact that when I return to Chicago, we are going to “move” atleast 2 hours a day (to start), wear pedometers, and change the way we eat immediately. Then November 1, we start (have already paid for) a 3 week bootcamp to get us back on track – the same one I started before I moved here. I am VERY EXCITED to start it again and get my butt kicked by a drill sergeant. I am also happy I will have someone to keep me accountable. I know I can get back to a place of control. I have been there before and I can do it again.

But I need to have a few goals NOW to help keep me from completely going off the deep end before I leave.

So, here is goal number 1:

I will eat oatmeal for breakfast each day this week, and I’ll finish 1 bottle of water (or more) before I leave work each day.

I know it is a small step, but I have to make small steps before I can make big ones.

My word of the week is:

ACCOUNTABILITY.

I am accountable for every move I make and every piece of food I put in my mouth.

My oatmeal is out and my bottle of water is filled and ready to eat. I will twitpic my breakfast and empty water bottle tomorrow so look for it on Twitter! (@ajlovestolose)!

Lose the Excuses

NOTE TO SELF:

“I am too tired.”

“My hip hurts too much.”

“I have a headache.’”

“Today is not the day to start again.”

“I have too much work to do.”

“I need to catch up on blogs/twitter.”

“Tonight is a ME night.”

“It is WAY too hot outside.”

“I ate too much.”

“I need to catch up with my friends.”

“I need to unpack.”

…

Seriously.

The excuses HAVE TO STOP.

Your “big” pants? Are thisclose to NOT FITTING ANYMORE.

Why are you making excuses?

Why aren’t you doing the things that make you feel better about yourself?

Also, what’s with eating fast food almost every night? Yes, you ate a “healthy” meal of bean tacos and a plum tonight, but what did you have for lunch again? What? Not the salad you packed? Oh, that’s right, you had Arby’s. (yes, it was a kids meal, but even so)

You know what works for you. Eating right, exercise.

Even 30 minutes a day is better than nothing.

Now that you are in the ATL you are getting ABSOLUTELY NO WALKING TIME IN, remember?

(and no, walking to and from the car doesn’t count)

You are tired because you are not doing what you need to do to be healthy.

Remember what MizFit says?

UNAPOLOGETICALLY MYSELF.

YOU LOVE THAT.

You are THAT: but you are not yourself right now.

It’s time to lose the excuses and get back on track.

What are you going to do today to help you reach your goals tomorrow?

© Ajlovestolose and ajlovestolose.com, 2007-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ajlovestolose and ajlovestolose.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Thoughts expressed here are strictly my own and do not reflect the views and opinions of my family, friends or employer.ajlovestolose.com - All Rights Reserved
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